you are old, father william, the young man said……….

another quiet week in worthing so time to reflect –

what is “old”? can you see, feel, smell, taste or touch it? i hit 60 tomorrow and i still don’t know. is it in the body, the mind or the soul?

is it simply the perception of others or is it within me? when my dad was 60 i was 11. that seemed old then but he was a survivor and he hung around long enough to become my best friend. my mother too. neil young said it best “once an angel, always an angel. you’re as close to heaven as i will ever be”. whatever the family crisis, she simply said “och”. there is no word in the dictionary to adequately describe the calm that expression conveyed. it came straight from the heart, nowhere else, and said everything we needed to hear; sympathy, remorse, pain, rebuke….. but that doesn’t answer my question. am i old?

my body has seldom been good. rugby, athletics, cricket, football, volleyball…. all quite useful in my youth with awards to confirm a modest prowess. once scored a try at ravenhill and trod the same hallowed turf as the great mike gibson, the all blacks, the springboks and even my brother roy who did so in a much more distinguished way. played rugby in dublin on the day they blew up nelson’s column. shook hands with nick faldo, chris eubank, terry neil, lawrie sanchez, sven and nancy amongst others and watched the hurricane play snooker in a dingy hall in belfast before he blew out the lights all over the uk. transient!

my mind has never grown old. i still see myself the way i was and sometimes the way i would like to be. but what of others? mary was, is and will always be the best person i ever met. david, tony and iain give me equal pride and reason to go on. remarkably, i still have some good friends who walk with me, talk to me and tolerate my ramblings.

what of the soul? inherent guilt! an old prayer too often rattles round my brain “i have done those things i ought not to have done and left undone those things i ought to have done…...” true: but i really hope i have not hurt anybody along the way.

hey, ho. still time to put things right. lots to do. normal service resumed tomorrow….