scary or what?

what the hell is it? the first wife saw it first and i haven't seen her since. no wonder the strawberries didn't make it. it's a wonder i have a garden at all with these buggers lurking in the undergrowth.

there it was. munching like mad amongst my fuchsias. did it intend to be there or was it simply confuchsiad? perhaps it was looking for my tomatoes, or maybe my first wife, or even steve irwin? still haven't seen her for the last couple of hours. if i knew where she was hiding i would be there.

but pleased to see that my geography degree has at last proved useful after 37 years. you will notice that the pen is strategically placed to illustrate the scale of the beast - not to encourage mating. the last thing we need are pens with multiple bloody eyes and big teeth. tried to dispose of the thing by throwing it into an adjacent playing field. big field. very big field – missed! now afraid to go down the alleyway. what size might it be by now? local cats have gone missing

afraid to go to bed. sod this gardening!